Matched!!

Ok friends, here's the news!! On May 28th we got a call from our agency to say.... that they had a match for us, a sweet 13 month old BOY!!  EKKK!!! 
(I may have considered making this entire post a series of repeaing exclamation marks, but decided against it.. you're welcome.) 

!! MATCHED !! 

There are SO many emotions wrapped up in this one little word, it's almost impossible to describe. We knew that we would eventually be matched but yet I dont think I really believed it! Everything in this adoption process has felt so much like a "theory" and not a "reality", that having this first tangible thing was mind boggling! 

Our agency worker, now friend, and I three-way called Blaine. Then she began to tell us all the ins and outs about this child we have prayed so long for.  A name. A birthday. A medical history. A birthmom. All of these were parts of a 'phantom story' I had rehearsed in my mind but now were actually coming to life. 

As we have been praying about getting a match for the past few months, we prayed specifically  that the Lord would deliver a peace to confirm that this was our child. As we sat there and listened to all the info in our child's file, that peace began to sink into my heart. Since, I was at school when we got the call, Blaine and I promised each other that we wouldn't open the email from our agency until we could do it together that evening to look at our sweet baby's face for the first time!

Once I got home, we rushed to look at and review his file again and then opened the separate email with his picture. At that moment, everything changed. This was an acutal child without a family, not just the story of one. This was a child who has been living a very real life a part from us, that we knew nothing about for the past year. It seemed foregin to look at picture of a child I've never met and to think "This is my baby!" Afterall, this is NOT normal! When you give birth to a baby you know them quite well.  The first time you see them is not the first time you've met them. You've been well acquainted with them after carrying them for the past 9 months. That foregin feeling faded, though I'm not sure when, seconds or maybe minutes later, and this sweet child sunk deep into my heart and the Lord continued to whisper a reaffiriming peace into my ear, that this was indeed the child he had chosen for us. I can tell you now that this was almost two weeks ago, it feels as if this baby has been a part of us all long. I've watched the video of him walking no less than 100 times by now and the feeling that he simply belongs with us has made deep roots within my heart.

At this moment, we realized we had NO idea what we were doing, HA! So much preparation for this point lead us solidly to... no clue what to do! We quickly realized we had never done this before and hadn't made a plan of what to do! So we tried to get our parents together to tell them the news and share pictures. Then we began trying to consult doctors to review his file, share the news with loved ones and then finally told the agency officially, that YES we would accept this match! WHEW!! What a worldwind! 

There are SO many emotions wrapped up in this match. As I've tried to begin processes it, the visual of a marble keeps running through my brain. 

Each emotion is separate yet connected somehow. Like the colors in a marble, each one distinct and individual yet they each color doesn't have a clear beginning or ending point. 

 Sorrow. The first emotion has been two fold. First I've been filled with sorrow for our sweet boy. Even as our case worker began telling us about our sweet boy's background, I was just weeping on the phone! We knew that being given up for adoption would be part of our child story, but that did not prepare me for the heartbreaking reality of it. No child should have to start their life that way. My heart broke for him as I heard about the reasons why his birthmom couldn't parent him, how little he was without a family. Yet, at the same time I was extremely thankful to her for choosing life and taking such amazing care of him while she had him. Even today, as I told some friends about him being placed for adoption, I was holding back tears. This entire adoption process is born out of brokenness and you just can't get around that. 

The second sorrow has been for the journey ahead. We are hopeful that we will get to travel in the spring to get baby boy! However, that amount of time (9-10 months) seems extruciatingly long. We shopped for a care package to send to him and his foster family yesterday, which I was SO stinkin' excited to do! Yet, I kept thinking, the next time we buy clothes for him he'll be bigger. We're missing out on this stage of his life and we can't get it back. We will forever be grateful for the foster family who is loving him so well right now, but the pain still lingers as we look forward into the next months without him in our arms. 

Joy. We. Have. A. Son. This sentence seems so foreign to my ears but it's true! The Lord has provided in a marvelous way and we are daily reminded of his faithfulnes and goodness because of this immense blessing! So many tears and unanswered questions over the past 3 years have lead us to this child and the Lord has walked with us through ALL OF IT!  We went through an intro to adoption class back in the Fall. I remember our table leader talking about how once they were matched, she went back and read through some of her journals and realized that the day she had decided to adopt, was the same day her baby girl was born! How awesome!! I desperately wanted something like that to be a part of my story but quickly realized with the timing, it most likely wouldn't be. After recieving baby boy's files we found out that he was born last April, when adoption wasn't even on our minds at all. The Lord has shown me though, that this is almost a SWEETER gift! While we were still making our own plans (in a completely different direction), he still had THE plan in place and knew what was best for us all along.

 It reminds me of this verse: 

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."   

             -Romans 5:8

While we were still deep in sin, the Lord was busy making a rescue plan! This is so true of us as believers and us in our adoption story! While I was grieving my infertility, the Lord was making a plan to heal our hearts, make a family and give us a chance to live the gospel. 

So what's next!? More waiting (ha, I know you're shocked)! We expect to get to travel the first time to meet him in about 9-10 month, so basically next spring. Until then, we have LOTS more paperwork to do, fees to pay and a nursery to get ready!! We will be able to keep up with him on a monthly basis until then. 

Also, we have chosen a name! But we can't tell you yet :) We are having a name reveal party at the end of the month to share his American name with everyone! I will post pictures from that and his name in my next blog post so stay tuned!  In the meantime, please pray for this sweet baby and his foster family! Please pray for process to go quickly and that the Lord would allow us to bring him home even sooner than anticipated. Thank you for sticking with us through this LONG and arduous process. We are EXTREMELY grateful for your support and encouragement. We can't wait for everyone to meet baby boy!